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 no money for long term care?? 
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Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2007 4:28 pm
Posts: 718
Location: LA
Post How am I doing?
Lynn- sometime I am proud of myself for just keeping on even though I seem to be caught in a time-warp not wanting to turn loose of my friends here [who are still waging the battles] and moving onto other things. It is different but the bereavement groups are geared towards getting out and doing things, which I never did before and do not find them interesting now either. Of course, I have always walked to a different drumbeat. I am cleaning out long neglected drawers, sorting, throwing away, having our children take the things they gave their dad... well in general, getting my house in order, as they say. my home insurance company gentle reminded me that my old house needed the peeling paint removed and a new coat put on. That is happening right now, it is being tended to. I also have a few broken panes of glass that they did not like. I aim to please. But still I care about the Forum friends. I still want to tell each and every new comer to make sure that they study the Boeve Continuum, don't just study, memorize the recommended medicine lists. I see many using meds that are unfamiliar to what we have found to be safe. I want to remind each new comer to start low and go slow. Watch your loved ones, keep writing to yourself daily, and trust your instincts.

My only granddaughter is a graduating senior, SELU. I will watch her receive her diploma in two weeks. I have been to her two musical end of school concerts. The first one, they did the poems that the children wrote while in the Holacaust. Oh, when they sang "I Never Saw Another Butterfly", my heart just melted and then when they made the stomping sounds of the heavy boots my tears flowed. The second one was "Mozart's Requiem". Just beautiful. I went with several of my children and we talked about dedicating the evening to Mr B., it being a final closing. I find that I look forward to Sunday School Class and morning worship services. I have also slipped into the habit of attending Sunday evening services. This coming Sunday morning the entire service will be devoted to recognizing the Senior Members so I look forward to being recognized.

Yes, I'm doing quite well, thank you, but I remember.

Dorthea

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"See this lady, she's 85, but she's nice"


Fri Apr 30, 2010 11:01 am
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Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
Posts: 976
Location: Henderson, Nv.
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Dr. P.,
So glad to hear you are healing...and still posting too. You are still the amazing woman we all came to cherish. You are so right about bereavement classes wanting you to go out and do things...when you never enjoyed those things before...and still don't lol. Same here. I tried so many things but they just were not for me long ago...and still aren't. So like you always advised about medications: start low and go slow. Thats how I am moving forward with my life...and its working pretty well. Doing what I want to do, not what others think I should do...though I know they mean well. The grieving process sure takes a lot longer than I expected. Just when you think you are on the right track...along comes "one of your songs" or "a favorite phrase"...and it sits you right on your heels. Went to a specialist the other day relative to a test I had done. Was having a bad day, headache, kind of sad, heard one of "our songs" on the radio on the way there. He asked why I was on an anti depressent...well boo hoo hoo hoo...it all just came rolling out! :) Still good days and bad...many more good than bad now.
Don't post much but I lurk in the background here now and then. It makes my heart ache for those who are on the path. I hope for ways of better diagnosis...for new medications..for a cure. I pray for strength that the caregivers get through another day...and perhaps have many good days between the episodes. I hope they all realize what a truly, wonderful, loving and caring thing they are doing for their loved ones.
Huge hug for all of you tonight.

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Dianne C.


Sat May 08, 2010 1:48 am
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
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Hi, friends. I've been gone a while and am reading the forum for the first time in 2 months. Helping my sister get her daughter, the bride, to her April wedding without losing it occupied all of my "spare" time.

Vicki, I'd like to get back to your first questions. Jim is your husband, right? For Social Security, you shouldn't need to worry about having some sort of income from Soc Sec. As his wife and survivor, you should still receive assistance based on Jim's income. If there are underage children or college students, they should also receive survivor benefits. This is one of the things I know well, as it got me through college in the 1970s. As a matter of fact, after my mother's second husband died, only a few years after their marriage, Mom was allowed to decide which husband's income she wanted her Social Security based on, or if she wanted it based on her own income. She was widowed at 50, so had time to reach a decent level of income on her own.

I also want to echo the advice about contacting Social Services. You don't need to be at Medicaid level to receive some benefits. Mom still has about $10,000, but she receives some help through a program called Alternative Care. They pay a substantial portion of the cost of her day care program, modified our split-level house, when it was clear I wasn't going to be able to sell it, with a chair lift for the stairs, lots of grab bars, bathroom aids - you name it. I don't know if this is just available in Minnesota or not, but your state may have a similar program.

I know that there is a stigma to receiving social services, especially for my parents' generation, but this is what you've paid taxes for. If help would make things easier for you, don't hesitate to contact them. All they can do is say "no," but I doubt it will come to that.

So don't wait until things become desperate. Call Social Services now and get to know your assigned case worker. Having done that, all I have to do is call Mom's case worker for answers or more help.

Also, if Jim or you have served in the military there may be some benefits for you there. Help with medical expenses, though they might ask you to use the VA hospital, and survivor benefits when the time comes. There are also medical funds for certain circumstances. Call the Veteran's Administration, if you or Jim saw service, and see what they can help you with. There's a lot of paperwork, but get some help and it won't be so bad. Oh, and I hate to mention this now, but there are also funeral or memorial funds available for veterans. Sometimes it's only enough to pay for a military marker, but you may also find out that there's a small insurance benefit, as well. Check with the VA. They're actually pretty nice.

And, if you or Jim are members of a union, or a professional organization, check with them to see if and how they can help. Most organizations, professional or otherwise, often have some type of help they can give you.

So don't get too worried about money, now or afterward. It may take some work, but help is out there waiting for you to ask. (It does help to outline what you want to say about your situation before you call each of the above groups. I always think of what I should have said after I hang up.)

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Thu May 13, 2010 11:04 pm
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
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Oh, and Vicki, let your county case worker from Social Services deal with Medicaid or any government-funded program. They have trained in this and know how to handle the situation. Your case worker will also know of other assistance that you could take advantage of.

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Thu May 13, 2010 11:09 pm
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