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 last will and testament for caregiving spouse 
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Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:49 pm
Posts: 41
Post last will and testament for caregiving spouse
If, God forbid, the stress from this disease should kill me before it does my husband, can I leave everything my husband and I have to the one person I think would do what "I" want done so it does not go to my spouse?

As many of you know, the person we are caring for is not capable of staying alone, driving, etc.
Our house was given to me by my grandparents and I want it to go to my daughter.

Also, who would get power of attorney and power of his healthcare if something should happen to me? Can I specify someone in my will?


Thu Oct 01, 2009 7:28 am

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:18 pm
Posts: 835
Location: Acton, MA
Vicki, Our Will and other legal documents state that if the surviver is not capable of making decisions that the power of everything goes to our two daughters. All of our wealth :-( (that's a joke) will be divided between them. Check your documents, if they don't name your daughter, I think it should be easy to have it changed.
Take Care,

Thu Oct 01, 2009 8:11 am

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:49 pm
Posts: 41
i am in the process of making a last will and testament now because we do not currently have one.
i have a daugther from another marriage and my husband has a son. wo are you saying i can put in the will that i want my power of attorney to go to his son?
and what about our property. my house was given to me by my grandparents and i want it to go to my daughter. if my husband is still alive at the time of my death, can i give it to her?
thanks so much for the info.


Thu Oct 01, 2009 8:45 am

Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2007 6:15 pm
Posts: 231
Location: Charlotte, NC
I am NOT an attorney, a 33year real estate agent in NC. It all depends on your docs. If the deed is "joint tenancy with right of survivorship" and your husbands name is on the deed, he will get the property and his heirs will end up with it. If it is in your name alone, you can will it separately to your daughter. Even if it is JTROS and you have a durable power of attorney you can go and have it put in your name. Make sure the power of attorney and EVERYTHING is recorded. Good luck! As I said I am NOT an attorney!!!

Thu Oct 01, 2009 1:00 pm

Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:38 pm
Posts: 712
Location: CA
DISCLAIMER: Not an attorney either and nothing in this post is intended or offered as legal advice, counsel or opinion. Seek the advice of an attorney expert in estate planning.

Have you spoken to an attorney about a revocable living trust and putting all your property into that, and within the trust specifying what goes to whom? It will save you the probate process if you just have a will, I believe, and you can name yourself as trustee, as well as your successor trustees (for when you pass).

I do not think a will alone would secure the specific transactions you want to see happen. Please talk to an estate planning attorney lest things get mucked up.

Renata (and Jerome-in-Heaven)

Thu Oct 01, 2009 3:46 pm

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:49 pm
Posts: 41
thank you all for all the advice. the house is in my name only. i made my will yesterday and did the best i could. i had it notarized and witnessed. i have also written my daughter a letter and put it with the will stating exactly, in simple terms, what i want her to do. hopefully all will respect my wishes and do what i ask. i really can't afford to see an attorney.
at least i know i have done all i can do and the rest is up to whoever does whatever when i die. afterall, i'll be in Heaven and won't have to deal with any of this terrible disease anymore. and hopefully (i think) i won't die before he does!


Fri Oct 02, 2009 8:11 am

Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
In the state of CA, there are many free legal clinics for people who can't afford to see an attorney. Have you checked into what might be available in NC?

Fri Oct 02, 2009 11:29 am

Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:05 am
Posts: 150
Location: Raleigh, NC
Vicki --

We do have some free clinics in N.C., including Legal Services, and the law school right there in Chapel Hill might be able to refer you, or it may have advanced students doing consultations. It's also possible that the Council on Aging (did you keep the link for the Triangle Area resource?) can point you in the right direction.


Fri Oct 02, 2009 7:08 pm

Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
Posts: 976
Location: Henderson, Nv.
Vicki - Only my 2 cents worth..and I am not an attorney. Seek legal assistance as advised here. Try legal aid, the law school, have a garage sale and use the money for an attorney...but somehow, seek an attorney. I too didn't want to spend money on an attorney but believe me it was the best money I ever spent!

Dianne C.

Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:06 am

Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2007 4:53 pm
Posts: 88
Location: Melbourne Beach, FL
Post Trust, Will, Healthcare Surrogate, Living Will
Dear Vicki:

Fortunately, my husband died first. I know no one, not even his own daughter who is a wonderful person, would have looked after Charlie. He would have been put in a nursing home.

Having the same worries at the time Charlie was diagnosed, we consulted an attorney who put all property in a trust in my name, prepared a will for Charlie that left all to me, prepared a living trust with me as trustee with provisions that in the event of my death everything would be held for Charlie's benefit and his daughter would then become trustee. He also prepared healthcare surrogate and living wills for both of us naming Charlie's daughter for both of us. He charged a flat fee of $1100.00 for everything. Every state is different so you need an attorney that knows the law where you reside.

Like you said, Vicki, we do the best we can to prepare for eventualities and then we have to let go and hope it is sufficient. If you are healthy now and try to take care of yourself, you may very well be the survivor.

In the end, what really matters is love.

Blessings and courage for the journey,


Thu Oct 29, 2009 6:46 pm
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