I have made arrangements to admit my LO into a nursing home in a few weeks. My question is: should I leave him alone there for a little while, to avoid confusing him? Or should I go often right away so he knows he is not forsaken?
Thanks, Anne

Dear Anne,
If it were me I would be there often until he settles in his new surrounding and then maybe you can back off a little to where you are comfortable!

Anne, God bless you, you must be all over the board with emotions. I have no experience with a family member going into a NH. I "think" I would go right away and see how it goes. Trust your gut feeling. You may be a better caregiver for your LO after he's in the NH, you can take care of youself and possibly have some quality time with him. I'll be thinking of you.
Gerry

There is a facility in the SF Bay Area that *requires* family members to NOT visit their loved ones for 2 weeks. This turned out to be a disaster for one family. When the family did "sneak" a visit, the family ended up taking their father to the ER for dehydration, etc. This experience was enough to tell me never to follow that requirement.

Stay away from any facility that makes family wait for two weeks to visit. Thats awful. You should be allowed to drop in unannounced any time. I hope I never have to put my LO in a home but I am learning to say "never say never". At this time I am committed to keeping him at home, however I have all kinds of people telling me "You can't do that". I think to myself "oh yes I can". This is his home too. I'll find a way.
MH

What worked for us was to visit often, but keep the visits fairly short and let him take his meals with the rest of the group, without your joining him every day at meal time. He needs to learn to trust the care managers there and to let them take care of him, but he also needs the reassurance that you haven't abandoned him. Visits will make you feel better, too.

Garnet

Hi Anne,

Annie here. My mum went into a nursing home last December 2008 and I would recommend that you visit immediately, letting your LO and also the staff that you will be popping in at all different times. Luckily for me the home that Mum is in is fantastic, the staff are second to none, they all really love and care for my mum so well there. Unfortunately my Mum really doesnt know where she is, a lot of the time she thinks shes at home, other times she thinks shes sleeping in a field under the stars. Also Mum cant walk anymore or can she sit up in bed unaided so she needs 2 carers to transfer her from bed to wheelchair, to toilet etc.
I hope the transition goes smoothly for you, but as I say - make sure you visit regularly, especially at the beginning, I still visit my Mum twice every day, even though Mum doesnt remember from one hour to the next if she saw me or not. Alas that this horrible disease and thank God I am able to live with it.
I wish you all the best.
Annie 41.

Anne,
I agree with your post. I said I would never put my LO in a NH but when you tell about your Mum going to one and she doesn't know who you are and where she is at. That would be criteria for placement. As I said before "never say never".

I am having so much trouble believing this has happened to us. He has always been so healthy. I am still in denial and the more I research the subject, the less I cry.
Mary

I admire you for having the courage to put your LO in a NH. We all say we would like to keep them at home..and we will try our best to do so..however, circumstances arise which can make a NH the best choice for our LO. There are limits to what we can do as caregivers. I never thought of putting my LO in a NH but after experiencing some recent events I know I have limitations to what care I can provide for him. I will do whatever is best suited for his needs. We will do what we must do. It is so devastating to see our LOs experience such a wicked, evil disease which robs them of their dignity and esteem. I would visit him very often and unannounced.

My thoughts and prayers are with you...with all of you.

Twelve years ago, we bought Long Term Care insurance, knowing that neither one of us, ever wanted to have to be in a Nursing home, but also realizing that in some cases it might be necessary, so I have told my husband that when I can no longer care for him, he will have to go to a nursing home. He doesn't want to but knows that it will become necessary, and he has said that when he goes, he wants a Bose radio, CD changer and head phones. Never did we know at the time we took out the insurance that there was Lewy Body in our future. When it becomes necessary it will happen, it will not happen until I can no longer give him the care he needs. I just hope I can continue to care for him for at least another year. I am doing that one day at a time.

Thank you all for your responses to my putting my husband in a nursing home. The first one did not know how to care for LBD patients; it was a disaster, so I moved him to another one. It was wonderful!!! They took such good care of him, and loved him so much. I went off and on, usually twice a week; it was 60 miles away from me. The LBD went really fast -- he was in facilities for less than 4 months, and died. I miss him so much, but his faith in Jesus Christ was apparent to all, and knowing he is now with the Lord brings great comfort to me and all our family.
Anne

Anne, I am sending you a hug and condolences on the loss of your husband.
Lorraine

Anne, It must be so difficult to lose your loved one, several have passed in the last few months. These Holidays will bring some sadness to all.
I have everyone in my thoughts and prayer.

Take Care,
Gerry

Anne, I am so sorry to read your post about the fast decline and death of your husband. What a blessing that he knew and trusted in the Lord. I know you are thankful to have found a comfortable place for him toward the last. Sixty miles is not hard when you were traveling to see him and knew he would be safe when you arrived. Take care and feel the prayers from many on this forum.

Dorthea

Anne,
My condolences on the passing of your dear husband.
Robin