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 New in the Journey with my Dad 
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Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2013 9:38 pm
Posts: 3
Post New in the Journey with my Dad
I am grateful for finding this site but sad it has to exist. My Dad has been experiencing what we thought was typical aging issues (he's 79) for a few years and we were concerned that his business involved driving and a lot of "brain work". For a while those of us in business with him kind of took up the slack but legality wise and safety issues caused us to slowly ease his work and his choice to get tested for driving lead to losing his license. He was finally diagnosed with LBD early this year. It has been a rough journey with his hope of "getting over this and back to work" thoughts and then watching a quicker decline than anticipated. My Mom is 10 years younger than my dad and my 94 year old grandmother lives with them. Needless to say it is an overwhelming thing for her right now. If she is not near my father he gets anxious and agitated even when my sister and/or I are present to be with him. His gait is painfully slow, leans to one side but tries so hard. Right now night sleeping is becoming an issue and my mom is exhausted. He will fall asleep with no problem but wakes in middle of night and will not fall back to sleep for hours if at all. He does not appear to be hallucinating but I think dreams disturbing him and he can't verbalize what is wrong and my mom can not figure out what he needs. She nervous about medication for fear of the side effects but we have discussed Seroquel. Finances have not been figured out yet as she is unsure what to do. Already consulted and elder lawyer but sure doesn't seem like a healthy spouse has much to say on what to keep if their spouse has to go to assisted living care! The 5 year rule is a tough one. Watching my dad change is hard and figuring out how to help is a challenge since he only wants my mom...Thanks for letting me share

Thu Dec 19, 2013 10:09 pm

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3441
Location: Vermont
Post Re: New in the Journey with my Dad
Brownie - hi, and welcome. Was your dad a veteran? If he was a veteran AND if he has < $80,000 (not including 1 house plus 1 vehicle) you may get some housing allowance from the VA towards an ALF. I'd check make an appt. with the VA asap if he is a veteran. Also, VA benefits are different state to state, which seems insane, but true.
Are all the legal papers in place such as wills, advanced directives, POA, etc.? If not, that needs to be done asap and hopefully he will have enough lucid moments that he can legally sign documents IF they aren't already in order.
I'd suggest you read as much as you can on the topics of most importance to your situation currently. It helps to have info. under your belt before you need it. Come back often, and I wish you well in helping out with this very difficult journey. Lynn

Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.

Thu Dec 19, 2013 10:34 pm

Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2013 9:38 pm
Posts: 3
Post Re: New in the Journey with my Dad
Thanks ..We do have a will in place and POA for both parents. He is a veteran and I did advise my mother to see if he qualified. She spoke for a short time on the phone and they gathered that they have to much in savings, bonds, etc and don't qualify. It stinks because my husband just got approved and was so hoping my father would. Perhaps spending down on things they need may allow them to qualify. We are still trying to find a doctor/neurologist in the area who is knowledgeable and more importantly has dealt with LBD patients.

Fri Dec 20, 2013 10:33 pm
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