I've been reading these forums for a while and figure it's time to stop lurking and communicate. I live in Washington state on San Juan Island. My mother has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and my father with LBD. Before their diagnoses, but after I realized they were having a lot of problems, I convinced them to move from southern California to Washington state to be nearer to me. That was two years ago. They are now living in the Seattle area in a CCRC in an independent apartment. A big problem for us is that the CCRC has not yet constructed their assisted living or memory care units so these will not be available for at least a couple more years. While they do have a bit of a safety net there, it is not enough. I have ended up spending nearly half of my time down there helping them out in one way or another and when I am home, much of my time is devoted to taking care of things for them or talking with my dad on the phone to help him sort out whatever pressing issue he is obsessing about at the time.

I am so on edge. It is very difficult to leave them and come home. I feel like I am leaving a couple of 5 year olds living on their own. From my front door to their front door takes me about 5 hours so when I go down I stay for a few days.
Dad and I have decided that it would be best for them to move to an assisted living facility on the island where I live. On the other hand, Mom is using every objection she can come up with, many of which are not very logical.

My father was a very competent man, well educated, has a degree from Harvard, used to be mayor of his community, was very intelligent and high functioning. Now he sits there drooling as he tries to understand a calendar or an alarm clock. At times, he still seems very astute and surprises me with his observations and analyses more often he is so confused about the simplest things.

My mother has the obvious Alzheimer's symptoms of short term memory loss and a certain amount of confusion. For a few years we all thought Mom was the one with the problem and that Dad was ok. Dad compensated for her deficits and took care of the things that were falling apart. At this point, she is higher functioning than he is so she is the one caring for him in a way.

They seem to handle ADLs pretty well, though sometimes Mom's choice of clothing is a bit strange. They make their own breakfasts and lunches and eat dinner in the dining room of their facility. I have a helper come in each morning for a while and someone else a couple afternoons a week. We are getting by this way but some days I think we really, really need to change their living situation asap and some days I think this is working out fine.

I am putting down a deposit today on the assisted living place close by me. It will hold a nice unit for them for 30 days. My plan is to move them here before Thanksgiving. Wish me luck!

Beth

Oh Beth, I do indeed wish you luck! It sounds like you have a reasonable plan in place. It is too bad the CCRC didn't work out, but it really isn't a CC place right now, is it? That, too, was a good plan, but it seems it needs changing.

I think that you will be a little less stressed with your parents closer to you, don't you?

Welcome to our community!

Beth,
Welcome to the LBDA forums, sounds like you have a full plate with both Mom and Dad and I hope that you can find some helpful information and support here with us !

Hi Beth,
Welcome to the group, here, and sorry that you are facing such a difficult situation. Sounds like you have come up with a very practical plan, though. It is so much easier having one's parents nearby - mine (both 95, mother with early LBD, father cognitively intact but increasingly physically frail) moved here 7 years ago, from 2 hours away. I cannot imagine how we would manage if they were still so distant. Good luck with the move! They will be much happier in the long run having you so close... and your life will be so much easier, and you will be better able to help as needed.
Laurel

Thanks for the welcome! I have already found so much useful information on this board. Through the various discussions I see that so many of my father's issues are related to LBD.