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 new to forum, mom has all the symptoms 
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Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 11:55 am
Posts: 5
Post new to forum, mom has all the symptoms
I'm in CT and my parents are in MA. My mom is 82 and has a number of symptoms that I googled and then found LBD. Over the past few years she has really become disorganized, writes things on pieces of paper and then can't find them, repeats herself, forgets names, totally getting lost driving, and can't learn new things. But the thing that got me to LBD was a long-standing symptom of violent dreams where she is being attacked and where she attacks my dad in bed . This has been going on for 10+ years. She also speaks sometimes in a language my dad doesn't know while she is asleep. Also during that period she lost her sense of smell. She has fluctuating BP and it is sometimes high and sometimes low. In the meantime, she fully believes she is just FINE. It is impossible to discuss anything with her on this front. I finally called her doctor and told her my mom's symptoms and she is having a full exam mid-October. I hope we get a diagnosis! My dad, who is 81 has been diagnosed with Alzeimers, so it is really the blind leading the blind at their home. My dad also thinks he is totally fine. My sister, brother and I are in a tough spot because of their refusal to listen (and we get into lots of arguments, especially about driving, which they are both doing). We do have a geriatric case worker who is visiting with them monthly and trying to help. Why couldn't I have parents who were not as stubborn, or at least one who was in good shape? Such is the luck of the draw, I suppose!


Thu Sep 23, 2010 11:07 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
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Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post Re: new to forum, mom has all the symptoms
This is a heavy load.

Through what program did you arrange for the geriatric nurse? Sounds like a great idea! Is she advising a care facility or live-in caregiver for your parents?

Even with a diagnosis of LBD (or whatever), don't expect your mother to change her ways.

Does one of the kids have healthcare POA? Financial POA? Sounds like you all will have to divide up responsibilities to care for both parents.

Can you get the MDs to tell your parents that neither can drive?


Thu Sep 23, 2010 11:55 pm
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Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 11:55 am
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Post Re: new to forum, mom has all the symptoms
My sister has POA and I have health care proxy, but I am second in line to my parents, who are the health care proxies for each other. And of course, they think they are fine! We had one MD who told my dad he couldn't drive and he didn't for awhile and then he started to again and my mom encourages him to drive because she doesn't want to go where he wants to go. He just had a neuropsych test through a different neurologist and I am hoping that will make it really clear. The geriatric case worker also scheduled a driving test for him in Jan. We got them help a few days a week back in the spring, but then they sent them away (also,it occurs to me now that this was a symptom, but my mom thought the lady was stealing from her...) Thanks for responding, and I know that this bulletin will be a godsend as we all go through this!


Fri Sep 24, 2010 6:02 am
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
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Post Re: new to forum, mom has all the symptoms
Heather,
Welcome to the LBDA forums, sorry for you need !

I can't believe the Doctor that told your Dad not to drive didn't report him to the DMV.Sounds like a need for a meeting of the minds with the 3 siblings as with your parents current thinking, someone along the line will have to make decisions as it sounds like either of your parents really can't due to the dementia.
This is indeed a tough situation, good luck with it !

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Irene Selak


Fri Sep 24, 2010 9:15 am
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
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Location: Vermont
Post Re: new to forum, mom has all the symptoms
Welcome Heather, and I am so sorry for your need to be here. You really do have a double whammy of both parents ill and both thinking they are ok. My dad also thought he was ok but I just HAD to literally take the keys from him about a year and half ago. I didn't trust that he'd remember he told me he wouldn't drive, after many heated discussions. I knew he wasn't safe, nor was anyone else on the road or sidewalks! He still was rational enough that when I said "I don't want you to spend your last months or years in jail or in a lawsuit because you've killed or badly hurt someone" he finally got it. But, I took one set of keys to my sister's house and one to a neighbor's anyway. I knew his short term memory was going fast! I also know of a brother and sister where I live who are being sued by a family whose LO was badly hurt in an accident by an elderly dementia patient. They are getting sued because "they should have known that the parent was no longer capable of driving safely and therefore they are responsible." None of us needs that!
After taking the keys I got my dad some part time caregivers who could drive him to dr. appts., get stuff at the grocery store or pharmacy, so he was set.
I also took over the checkbook and investments, just in the nick of time. Not a job I wanted, but it had to be done. Thank goodness my husband helps me out with the financial stuff. That way, if my dad had tried to fire the caregivers, I would have just told them to come anyway and I'd pay them. Luckily he loved having them and looked forward to their coming.
Come here often for support and encouragement. There are a lot of wonderful people here who have "been there, done that" or are currently going through it. Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Fri Sep 24, 2010 9:26 am
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Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 11:55 am
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Post Re: new to forum, mom has all the symptoms
Thanks to everyone for your advise and comments! I will keep you posted. Lynn, I am going to send my mom and dad a copy of your comment about the lawsuit and maybe that will help.


Fri Sep 24, 2010 10:59 am
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Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post Re: new to forum, mom has all the symptoms
You can ask the neurologist to report your father to the driver's license authorities in MA. Or, you can also report your father anonymously yourself. He will likely be called in to take a test. It's best if the MD does the calling.


Fri Sep 24, 2010 12:19 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
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Location: Vermont
Post Re: new to forum, mom has all the symptoms
I hope that works, Heather, and if not, Robin's ideas should help. We asked a sheriff to come over to my dad's and tell him he'd had some concerns about my dad's driving. They had my dad take a WRITTEN test, but not the driving test!!! He was fine at reading and writing at that point, but he could barely walk from his car to the place to take the test. His legs almost didn't hold him up at that point, but they gave him a new license good for TEN YEARS! And he was 87 at the time! There was no way he could put the brake on quickly if some kid ran out in front of the car.You want to make sure that doesn't happen. Of course that gave my dad even more incentive to say he was ok to drive. The lawsuit and injury case really gave me the incentive to just take the keys away, no matter what my dad was saying. It was really hard but necessary. One of the first big changes that were about to occur......

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Last edited by LTCVT on Fri Sep 24, 2010 8:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Fri Sep 24, 2010 12:48 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
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Location: WA
Post Re: new to forum, mom has all the symptoms
Gosh, Lynn! That's scary! Another tactic might be to talk to his insurance company about your concerns. Of course, they would probably just raise the premiums! :shock:

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Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Fri Sep 24, 2010 1:39 pm
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Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2009 8:25 am
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Post Re: new to forum, mom has all the symptoms
At one time my MIL wanted me to help her get a handicapped sticker so she could park close to the store in order to be able to find her car in the parking lot. I asked her what ailment she wanted me to list on the form - "loses car in parking lot"? Luckily we got her to give up her car shortly after this.

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Donna (age 56) caregiver for mother-in-law Margaret (age 88).


Fri Sep 24, 2010 4:51 pm
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