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 New to the forum - wife of LBD husband 
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Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 10:33 pm
Posts: 7
Location: Florida
Post New to the forum - wife of LBD husband
My husband was diagnosed with dementia in '06, and more specifically with LBD in '09. I've never experienced anything so devasating, on the one hand, and precious on the other. When I hear people use the cliches about their children that they're 7 going on 20, I think about how I'm experiencing just the opposite. My husband is 74, going on 5. He couldn't be more innocent or pure. You always hear about Alzheimer's patients and how they get mean--but this LBD husband of mine has just gotten sweeter.

One of his biggest worries is when he forgets who I am and is worried that he's married to someone else and cheating on her with me. He keeps saying "I love you, but I want to do the right thing."

Thanks to the help of Lexapro, I can go a day or 2 without weeping now. The hardest part is trying to stay normal for him. When he doesn't remember who I am, my goal is to avoid acting alarmed and just go wherever his mind his with him.

I'm hoping that the chance to talk with others will help me--and help me help him.

Marcia Corbett

Sat Jan 23, 2010 9:34 pm

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:18 pm
Posts: 835
Location: Acton, MA
Marcia, Enjoy every minute with your sweet man. He may stay that way, at least pray that he does. None of us know what tomorrow will bring so we need to enjoy today or hope tomorrow will be a better day. Whatever happens, life goes on and we need to take care of ourselves as well as our loved ones.

Take Care,

Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:02 pm

Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:23 am
Posts: 201
Post post subject
Sorry you have to join us here. Your husband sounds so much like mine. He is 72 going on 5. My husband is also sweet and innocent. He also seems to be getting sweeter with age. I hope he stays that way. My husbands symptons seemed to come on rapidly but when I really think back I had started to notice a few things here and there, but the problems would then go away for a long time. A bout of urine retention seemed to trigger things off. Hallucinations, delusions, anxiety etc. At first I really couldn't tell the difference between the hallucinations and the delusions. I am so happy to tell you that after getting him stabilized on the medications, we have a lot of good days now. I know it won't last but I will cherish every day that is good.
I could have used some of that Lexapro at first. All I did was cry. All the time! I had to sit by him all the time to keep him calm. He gets very insecure if I try to leave the room. I had to keep telling myself, "he can't help it". He didn't want any other people in the house. He blaimed me for letting all those people in the house. Of course there was no one but him and I. He had only a couple episodes of capgras in which he thought I wasn't his wife. By this time I was learning to validate and distract. Not always easy. Keep coming to these post. Sooner or later someone else will describe your exact situation and what works for them. We care.

Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:07 pm

Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2007 4:28 pm
Posts: 781
Location: LA
Post All about me
Lovemyman, hi, everytime I say to myself, I talk too much on the forum and I plan to back out, along comes a message that I just feel the need to answer. Yours is in that catagory. Mr B never forgot me so there is no reason for you to fear that you will not be remembered... "ain't necessarily so". Once Mr. B. spoke with a puzzled expression about how he could have two wives when he is trying to remember getting married twice. He only remembered the one time. I assured him he had only me... but he remembered the wife who sold his car and he knew I would never sell his car. [Oops, in fact I did sell our family 22 year old Crown Victoria automobile when one of our children gave me their three year old Oldsmobile] He wanted to know where is that wife and what did she do with the money? I told him that I made her give me the money and I put it in the bank then I took a black iron skillet and chased her out of the house with the threat that if she ever came back, I would use it on her head. She's gone! He said, "I wonder where". I answered, "I dunno, not my worry".

Please just worry about today... not tomorrow. You could "luck out". I did.


"See this lady she's 85 but she's nice", This is the way my husband, Mr B., introduced me in 2006 to the people only he knew. Death due to pneumonia. Lewy Body Dementia diagnosed post mortem at Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville Florida.

Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:26 pm

Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 10:33 pm
Posts: 7
Location: Florida
Post Thanks for responses
It meant a lot to hear from 3 of you so quickly. This is what I've needed...some people who have such similar experience.

My 2 mantras right now are these:
Everything will work out in the end. If it’s not working out, it’s not the end.
I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.

Marcia Corbett

Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:40 pm

Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2007 5:53 pm
Posts: 90
Location: Texas
Marcia, I too am sorry you have a reason to join this forum. One of the best people to get advice on here is Dorthea. (So Dorthea do not keep quiet!!!) We all commiserate with each other. I also have a 58 year old husband going on 4 or maybe 3.
Lorraine (also 58)

Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:01 pm

Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)

Sorry you've had to join us here but welcome. There are quite a few Floridians on this Forum -- most caregivers though one patient has just joined us. The patient is looking for an LBD-savvy MD so perhaps you can recommend your husband's neurologist if you like him/her.

The great advantage about being in Florida is that brain donation in your state is free, if you participate in a dementia research study. Is your husband signed up for brain donation?


Sun Jan 24, 2010 2:12 am

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3441
Location: Vermont
Good morning - so sorry you are going through this. A lot of people on this forum have spouses with LBD. My situation is my 88 year old dad who went from independent living to being about like a 1 year old (only he couldn't even hold his head up or sit up) in a period of 3 weeks. Some things came back a little, but he is totally dependent on others for everything, just like an infant. This is a terrible disease, when both their physical being and their mental state are both deteriorating so much.
You will find so much support, advice if you want it, and information on this forum, as well as on the chat. Keep in touch with the folks on here. It will help you get through it a little better.
I hope today goes better for you, and like the others have said, you just have to take it one moment, one day at a time and cherish those rare moments where your LO is lucid. Take care, Lynn

Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:42 am

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Welcome to the forum, Marcia. My husband has the same delusions yours does [Google 'Capgras Syndrome']. He will say, "Don't you think we should tell my wife?", or "Maybe we should ask Pat about this."

You will find immeasurable comfort and encouragement here on this forum. God bless you! --Pat

Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:08 am
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