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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3441
Location: Vermont
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Hi everyone - I am glad that I have finally gotten on the forum! My dad was living independently until mid-July 2009, and it wasn't till June 2009 I even knew he had dementia. He took a precipitous decline in July, landed in the hospital, then rehab, then asst'd living. He cannot do anything for himself other than sort of feed himself. He is totally immobile, can't transfer from his chair to wheelchair, most days has great difficulty speaking, has no short term memory, has some long term memory, is very aggitated, angry and depressed most of the time.
I suddenly had to take over finances, his house, managing his care, basically managing his life. Some days he calls us 25 - 30 times in a couple of hours, complaining, demanding we call the his caregivers to take him to the bathroom, find out who's taking him to lunch, and other non-emergency demands.
I have been so stressed for 6 months I landed in the ER just before Christmas with a heart problem and for the first time in 59 years I am on daily prescriptions meds for heart, depression and anxiety.
He is 500 miles from where I live and I am torn about whether to move him near us or have him stay where he is, 40 mi. from his home (the closest asst'd living facility).
Thanks for listening - giving each other support is probably the biggest help to me at this point. I'm really tired of people who haven't been through this telling me to "just ignore it" and to chill out.

Sun Jan 17, 2010 3:52 pm

Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Sorry you've had to join us here.

For both of your sakes, I suggest you move your father closer to you. I'm assuming you are the healthcare power of attorney.

Sun Jan 17, 2010 5:49 pm

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3441
Location: Vermont
I'd love to hear from more people on the forum or chat about moving their LO closer. My hesitation about that is that then his friends cannot visit again. Before he went in the hospital in July HE was the one driving many of THEM around.
He still has a number of friends who visit and help with various things. My life would really be hell without them, and many are my old friends from when I was a kid so I'll be able to count on them for a long time, hopefully.
Also, my husband and I travel a lot, so when we are away, what would we do about his support? It is already costing a small fortune having him in assisted living so I don't want to have to incur additional expense if we can help it. We have no relatives here except one of my kids who is in college, and he certainly could do some support, but I can't expect him to get through school and take on all the responsibilities my dad requires.
I guess if I could get a clearer picture (if that is even possible) of how much longer he has, I'd move him up here to a ALF or nursing home and just not go anywhere longer than a week or so for a while. That way I could see him more often and it wouldn't be going on for years and years. I know I just can't do this for a long time. It's taken such a toll on my health already, so I have to think about my family and myself and get better for our sakes too.

Sat Jan 23, 2010 12:22 pm
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