I can't believe so much time has passed since I wrote all this but this is the update.

Dad has been out of hospital since last Easter and mum is his main carer. He is seen by the Alzheimer's Society nurse once a fortnight and all his needs have been met by Social Services, who have been great. Mum is coping amazingly well with him. He is definitely better off being at home. He is taking Exelon which has been increased six months ago as his hallucinations were getting worse and really bothering him. Now though they are really bad and he keeps on hallucinating that a friend from his past is having an affair with mum! This is obviously not happening! Mum says he goes on and on about it constantly as well as seeing the little children around the house and marching bands going up and down the street outside. He can be very grumpy and obstinate too. Not wanting to go out anywhere and so poor mum is stuck in with him. She has left him alone a couple of times and he's been ok but one time she only left him for two hours and he'd answered the door to a little girl who he said, she thought he was her dad and then he locked himself out and luckily their neighbour managed to climb over the back garden fence to open the gate so that he could get back in through the kitchen door.

He won't let anyone come round and look after him, so mum can get out, apart from my sister and me and with the best will in the world, it's not always easy to get away from our own families. I live over 15 miles away.

What I wanted to ask was, is there anything that dad could take to help with the hallucinations? I've been looking at other forums and Seroquel seems to be mentioned quite a bit. Is it worth mentioning this to dad's phsychaitrist next time he sees her?

Any information greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

I went through the 'he won't let me' stage, too, and canceled an appointment with an agency because he freaked out over the idea. Finally, though, some other people talked him into giving it a try. I hired a young man from a good agency and he stays with my husband for four hours, twice a week. They get along very well and I am so thankful for Thom! I don't do anything exciting on my mornings off, but doing the shopping and just driving here and there alone is exhilarating!

Perhaps if your mother can have someone he trusts talk to him about her need for some respite he would agree to try it out. Best wishes to all of you! It's a tough disease and a very tough life for all concerned. --Pat

Hi Kim - this is the first time I have read your story, and what a story you have to tell! At least it is really nice to know that there are others here on the forum who understand what you are all going through.
Having a LO with dementia is, in many ways, like having a child. There are times when you just need to be firm and say "I need to get out to do X, Y and Z (whatever those things are) and so and so will be here with you during that time. I'll be back later in the afternoon." And you just do it, just like when a little kid doesn't want to stay home with a babysitter. You do what you need to do to take care of yourself and manage the household. They will just learn to accept it or not, but you can't be tied to the person and house 24/7. You have to do what you have to do. It is hard at first, but it gets easier.
Last year when I had to tell my dad he could not drive anymore because he was a danger to himself and others he put up every argument you could think of, but I stood my ground. It felt awful, I felt guilty, but I knew I'd feel worse if he hit someone with the car. So, I did it, he accepted it after a few temper tantrums, and life went on. A few days later he told a friend he wasn't driving anymore because he was moving to assisted living and they don't let you drive when you live there. (that wasn't true, but it was a way for him to rationalize it.)
Does your mom read this forum? If not, I'd highly recommend you see if she'll get involved in the forum, or you could print out some of the discussions for her.
Hope things will go a little more smoothly for you all. Lynn

Definitely ask the psychiatrist about Seroquel (quetiapine). It works for some but not all.

The Boeve "Continuum" paper has a good description on how to treat hallucinations.