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 New to Forum (Dad has LBD) 
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
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When the time came for Jim to not drive anymore, I spoke to the doctor and he sent a letter to the DMV and called us at home ,told Jim he couldn't drive anymore and that very day we went turned in his licence and traded for a state ID card which looks just like the real thing and for the most part my husband was good with not driving and every so often he would say he was going to take the test again but never did!

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Irene Selak


Sat Feb 07, 2009 5:06 pm
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Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:38 pm
Posts: 712
Location: CA
Post 
Lorraine --
If the doctor approved the Aricept already, then you should call the VA doctor's office and remind them that it has not arrived yet. You don't need to wait until your next appointment. Also, unlike civilian MDs whose new "racket" is forcing patients to come in every six months for a prescription renewal (even if it's the same maintenance meds you've been on for years), when Jerome's prescription term runs out, I just call the VA doctor's office and ask them to renew. Voila!

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Renata (and Jerome-in-Heaven)


Sat Feb 07, 2009 6:50 pm
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Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:38 pm
Posts: 712
Location: CA
Post 
Quote:
In California at least there are special booths -- remember DriversEd class -- that someone can get in to and it tests reaction time, etc.


Robin, is that California, U.S.A.?? :lol: We don't have that newfangled stuff down here in So. Calif. Must be all the Silicon Valley gamers up there that got one put in at your DMV! :lol:

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Renata (and Jerome-in-Heaven)


Sat Feb 07, 2009 6:56 pm
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Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2009 10:18 pm
Posts: 9
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I thank all of you for your concern about the driving issue. I understand about him potentially hurting someone...a child...a family....
I am grateful for the advice, however I do feel like I am being judged by everyone. I was hoping for a little more support on this website. I feel critized.
As I stated previously the doctor did have him retested at the DMV and he did pass. He and I both know that is it almost time to give up driving. I feel unless you truly know my situation it is harsh to judge.
I am upset/sad/angry about everything, yes I understand that but...I was hoping more people would share the empathy not just keep saying he shouldn't be driving...he will kill someone.
Also just to add, to my previous post. He now has a visiting nurse for his medications and a therapist for his strength.
Thank you.


Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:51 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post 
ahall1010,
I'm sorry you've concluded we were criticizing you. You said elsewhere this morning "I think the forum is wonderful. I can read about other experiences with LBD." Would you be happier staying in the background and reading others' posts?
Robin


Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:17 pm
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Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2009 10:18 pm
Posts: 9
Post 
I did think it was wonderful this AM (it is reassuring to know other people are going through the same issues and how they are dealing), until I logged on and found all the responses about the driving issue. I mentioned a lot of issues and I found that for the most part I only received responses on one issue. It is a shame and unfair that you are willing to suggest I don't post and just sit back and read about others. Best of luck to everyone on here. I don't think I will be returning to the forums.


Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:35 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
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Good luck to you, whatever you do!


Mon Feb 09, 2009 4:42 pm
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Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:38 pm
Posts: 712
Location: CA
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ahall1010 --

Please don't mistake concern for your father's (and others') well-being as criticism. We have ALL faced this issue of when to "do something" about the driving, and frankly, it was my guilt that finally caused me to do what I knew was right. I was so concerned that my husband would feel I had emasculated him further by stripping him of his independence and alone time, that I ignored common sense. Please see our comments as support for your, at some point, taking the driving issue by the horns. Maybe it IS too early in your case. It was almost too late in mine.

By the time I told him he could not drive any more, Jerome was only driving to two places ... the grocery and Wal-Mart. The final straw came one Sunday afternoon when he told me he was going to Walmart to pick up one item. It was already 4:30 and I reminded him it would be dark in one hour so he needed to be back by 5:30 (he had already stopped driving after dark).

Don't ask how many times I tried to reach him by cell phone, or the rationalizations I conjured for his lateness, until finally ... at 10:30 p.m.... I drove to the Wal-Mart, all the way staring into the oncoming headlights trying to make out whether it was Jerome's car. I scoured the parking lot for his car, found it, went inside and told the doorwatchers to stop him if he came out (luckily, he is VERY unique looking).

I finally found him wandering one of the aisles, just calm as anything, having a lovely time "shopping." He had not heard his cell phone ringing, had no idea what time it was or that hours had passed, and was surprised to see me. In the very next moment he almost cried -- he said he had stayed so long because he was very tired and a tad confused and was afraid to leave. Said he had never been happier to see anyone than to see me at that moment.

He never drove again. It was my decision. Not only did I realize (as I stared into oncoming headlights) that he was a danger to himself and others on the road, but I realized that once he was away from home, he could get lost, disoriented, exhausted, or any number of states that would put him in peril. There is ALWAYS a first time.

So, please, this is not a criticism -- it's sharing what some of us learned by waiting just a tad TOO long to make the difficult call. I don't want you ever driving and staring into the headlights or searching for an accident along the road like I did.

With affectionate concern for you and your family...

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Renata (and Jerome-in-Heaven)


Mon Feb 09, 2009 5:44 pm
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Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
Posts: 976
Location: Henderson, Nv.
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ahall1010,

I am so sorry you feel you were being criticized, however, this site is very honest, straight forward, supportive and informative.

I posted as I'm very aware of the number of accidents and people who have been killed by "allowing dad/mom to drive as he/she isn't quite ready yet." My mom would have never given it up as she stated it was "her last form of independence." When she quit driving she literally hated it! We had to show her the article which "Dear Abbey" runs almost yearly which was written by a family who lost their dear ones to an elderly driver who "wasn't quite ready to give it up." People who have PD/LBD and other dementia disease do have "up periods" and perhaps your dear one was in an "up" mode when they retested him, but if they were to get a "down period" while driving it could be a disaster for him and others. I would not want to see you shoulder that type of guilt.

I do hope you will rethink the site and those who post on it...this site was a God send to me when my LO was giving me a terrible time...they posted information, made me laugh and believe me I am changed for it. I have learned to work with/for my loved on in ways I never thought possible.

This is a cruel journey we are on in Lewy Land and I do hope you will look at the positive side of it.

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Dianne C.


Mon Feb 09, 2009 5:59 pm
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Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2007 4:28 pm
Posts: 693
Location: LA
Post A look backward
ahall1010 I hope you are still with us. We have all been where you are now. I, also, felt out of place when I first entered the forum. Many reasons. I felt like Irene brushed me off because I did not have a diagnosis. I have been "up front" about that...even calling myself "The Imposter". I knew deep in my heart I belonged. I read and read. I studied all the literature. I matched Mr B's symptoms with others and the written word of professionals and gradually, after him hitting "the bottom" and spending three weeks in a locked down facility after being escorted to the emergency room by half a dozen Law Enforcement officers, and having a geriatric psychiatrist begin treating the sympoms according to the Dr Boeve Continuum, I came face to face that I still had a lot to learn. I can still be in charge but ask for help and have the needs recognized by people on this forum because they have "been there done that" and I can now maybe offer a little advise to others when I see they are still struggling with the "newby" issues. I discovered I was not out of my element. You may not gel with everyone on this forum but I have found that I made a connection with some of the folks here and I feel like they are going to tell me straight talk even it it "smarts" sometime. You are in the medical field so I feel you will also have much to offer that some of us, I for one, need. You will find some of the help from the learned doctors and your own background but lets face it, it is We who are leading the charge of getting the word out.

The world of LBD is a hard world. We must have a coat of armor. Yes the folks here may sound brutal... but for us to be the care givers that we want to be, it will serve us well to heed the thoughts of others. MM so aptly pointed out that my generation yielded to the man of the house... It made me reevaluate my care giving role. Robin encourages me [and others] to consider post-mortem brain donation for research for a true diagnosis [I'm working on it}. Renata wants us to have our finances straight. [Renata, I now have durable Power of Attorney!!!! Yeah} Sharon has taught me to have a little playful fun with this journey. And Irene, I have put aside any feeling of not belonging. I know you consider me to be more than an Imposter.

I see a pattern developing here. We seem to come in as a "class" and get to know one another, then a whole new group joins, we get to know their families. Our numbers are exploding... sad to say but as everyone remarks, glad we are here waiting. We will be patient while you come to grips with this illness, but we will not, nor should we soften our message.

I intended this to be about Mr B giving up driving. Oh well. That can come another time. We have all walked that walk. Renata your story was so poignantly heart stopping. Have you all seen, "On Golden Pond"?

Dorthea

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"See this lady, she's 85, but she's nice"


Mon Feb 09, 2009 7:11 pm
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Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2009 10:18 pm
Posts: 9
Post Thank You
Thank you for reassuring me. I guess I was just angry and for that I apologize. I will definitely continue to check out the forums. I wish everyone and their families the best. :D


Mon Feb 09, 2009 8:13 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
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ahall -
Given the sorts of intense, overwhelming experiences you've been having of late, being a little off-kilter sometimes is certainly understandable. We've all been there....
Robin


Mon Feb 09, 2009 8:19 pm
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
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ahall,
I am glad you are still with us and am sorry you felt people were being critical of the driving issues but honestly I think many of us spoke up because we have been there and done that and we are just concerned.I have said this many times before but LBD effects the whole family.
I wish you well with your Dad !

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Irene Selak


Mon Feb 09, 2009 9:45 pm
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Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2009 9:25 pm
Posts: 69
Location: N Ala
Post 
ahall, I'm new here too.
I had to tell pop over 2 years ago that he couldn't drive anymore. I had been fussing about his driving for a long time.
One afternoon, his mind wondered at the wrong time and he rear-ended a new Lexus! Our Pathfinder wasn't hurt and none of us were hurt but that was the last time that pop drove.
He still says that he could drive just as good as he ever could but I see him from this side. He has no business driving.
I feel like everybody was just concerned.
I'm glad to have found this bunch
nanny


Mon Feb 09, 2009 10:01 pm
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Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:18 pm
Posts: 835
Location: Acton, MA
Post Stay connected
ahall1010, We've been on vacation for a couple weeks and I don't have time to catch up on all the posts that I missed but wanted to address the few I've read of yours. I joined this group a while ago and have posted very little, but have learn sooo much from reading the posts. I do feel comfortable asking questions but so often they are answered just by reading what others have posted. Every situation is different, some of us will never experience the problems that others are having, but just knowing you 're not alone and at times feeling "our situation" is not so bad.

It's a sad time that none of us asked for, but sharing problems and a little humor has helped me.
Take care, Gerry


Tue Feb 10, 2009 10:01 am
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