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 Nearing the end 
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Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2012 11:51 am
Posts: 43
Post Nearing the end
It's been a long time since I have posted. Mom has been on hospice services since July of 2012, and has been fairly stable other than weight loss until a few weeks ago. Her appetite has been slowly diminishing, but being bedridden for over a year, she did not need the additional nutrients.

Over the past month, she has had several episodes of vomiting and diarrea. Each time, they put her on soft/bland diet until it subsides. But the episodes are getting longer and closer together. The last episode brought on the fever. Although it wasn't too high, she was soaked with sweat, even though she was given an anitbiotic and tylenol. She was comforted by cooling wash cloths, and the fever finally subsided. Her aggitation level has increase drastically as well.They suspected a UTI. Her hospice nurse finally admitted that she is on a decline.

Dad is still caring for her at home(according to her wishes) with the help of hospice and some private home health aides. I know mom is being well cared for, and her final wishes are being met by spending her final days/months in the house she grew up in. I believe she is comfortable, with out pain, and at peace, which is all I can ask for. My main concern is my dad. He has put so much of his life's focus into caring for mom the past 2 years, I don't know how to help him face the fact that her time is coming to an end. He has gotten close to the hospice chaplain, and chaplain is on board with helping dad. I spoke with chaplain yesterday, and every time he approaches the subject of mom's coming passing, dad changes the subject.

I just want him to be ok, to know that his life can go on. Before mom deteriorated, they spent a lot of time with their grandchildren..never missing a soccer game or recital..the same they did for my brother and I growing up. He can get back to that, and be involved with their lives.

Is there anyway I can help him through this? I firmly believe that he has to "let her go" before she can pass. Is there any way I can bring peace to both of them?

Sat Sep 07, 2013 10:06 am

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Nearing the end
Heidi, it would seem that his relationship with the chaplain [and with God] will help him to deal with the inevitable. By planning to include him in family functions you are showing that he is still very much a part of the family even after your mother is gone. Other than that, I wouldn't force him into a discussion. Just my humble opinion, of course. God bless all of you during this trying time.

Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.

Sat Sep 07, 2013 2:21 pm
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