Coy has been weak and confused for the last couple of weeks. Monday he needed the wheelchair at his day program. It mistakenly got left there so Tuesday he used the walker and wore a transfer belt when going to his massage therapy. We talked about his Wednesday bowling and he agreed that he was probably not up to it. He thought maybe he could go and enjoy the holiday potluck they were having (first I heard of it -- I quickly made up some deviled eggs for him to take) and maybe not bowl if he was too weak. Yeah, right.

Today (Wednesday) he got up perkier than he'd been for a week. He decided he was going to bowl. Gulp. I let him. Here are the thoughts I had:
1. It might be safer for him to stay home.
2. On the other hand, he could fall anywhere. He fell in the bathroom yesterday (with the door lcoked ). How is the chance of falling in the bowling alley worse?
3. Bowling is a passion right now. Not only is it something he enjoys doing, it convinces him he still has some quality to his life, and it is something he does on his own -- or at least without my hovering presence. It is a little piece of independence.

So happiness won out over questionable safety, and off he went.

Every time the phone rang while he was gone I half expected to be asked to meet him at an ER. But he arrived home intact. The friend who drives him said he did fine after he remembered to change his shoes. And his scores were not bad. Most people brought sweets, so even his eggs were popular. Good experience all the way around ...

... sort of. Later in the day he happened to mention how everyone gasped when he lurched forward and fell. Oh jeeze. You fell? Yeah, that was before I remembered to change my shoes. I didn't get hurt and I didn't have any trouble after that.

Oh my. I still think I made the right decision. But I wonder if I'd still feel that way if I really had gotten a call to meet him at an ER.

There sure is a lot to caregiving that I never anticipated. How about you?

Jeanne, I'm so happy to hear that Coy is bowling again!

Jeanne,
How wonderful for you both!! I have to ask myself the question " How important is this?"
about many situations and how great that you can put Coy's happiness and well being above your fears of "what if?" I loved your story!
Ellen

If the worst happened and Coy died while bowling, it could be better than some alternatives.

Actually, Pat, the worst wouldn't be Coy dying while bowling. It would be becoming more disabled and living in pain. I agree that a quick death doing something you love is better than many alternatives he faces.

Thank you all for your encouragement. I know that my choices aren't the same ones everyone would make. It is good to know that there are those who respect my way of deciding.

Good for you Jeanne, that you don't smother Coy. It is extremely difficult to put your fears aside (and they are genuine, realistic ones) - you are fantastic. I'm sure he appreciates it.

When Derek first went into the SNF, he was able to walk with a cane or walker [he has always hated the walker], at least part of the time. They thought it was too risky to allow but I felt strongly that walking independently was so important to him that he should be allowed that privilege. After a few falls where he was, thankfully, uninjured I agreed that he should not be allowed that privilege. Sometimes we have to 'play it by ear'.