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 another fall 
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Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:55 pm
Posts: 355
Post Re: another fall
At long last, doctor arrived. Dad is now on an antibiotic and ventolin inhaler for a chest infection. He is sleeping a lot, but that always happens when his immune system is hit. The doc will check back with him in a few days. At least he didn't fly off the handle with me this time for calling the doctor, as he is still feeling sorry for me (still on crutches) :lol: Every cloud has a slver lining.

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cared for Dad who passed away on January 28th 2013 R.I.P.


Mon May 09, 2011 1:28 pm
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Post Re: another fall
Ger,
Glad the doctor looked in on him and gave a antibotic, I certainly hope there is soon relief!

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Irene Selak


Mon May 09, 2011 9:02 pm
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Location: WA
Post Re: another fall
Doctors making house calls! Amazing!! :shock:

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Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Mon May 09, 2011 9:05 pm
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Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:55 pm
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Post Re: another fall
I know Pat, amazing. It only took him 24 hours. I guess I should count my blessings. We would have had to call an ambulance to take him 1 mile to the doctors clinic, as I would not have been able to manage him on my own.

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cared for Dad who passed away on January 28th 2013 R.I.P.


Tue May 10, 2011 4:17 am
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: another fall
No, an SNF isn't an answer to a fall risk. As a matter of fact, Mom falls more now, as the staff can't be right next to her 24/7 and she's a stubborn woman who won't believe that something is beyond her. The difference between the fall risk at the SNF and at home is probably because while at home I'd follow Mom around as she used her walker around the house. Picture us. Mom on her rollator and me right behind her, hands outstretched to catch her should she lose even a bit of her balance.

But maybe the falling serves as the catalyst for you to take the next step. When Mom was in the hospital before going to the SNF, I took it as a catalyst (now looking back) to get her into a dementia unit. Really, all she would have needed added to her care would be diet changes and an insulin shot every day. Before her hospital stay, I think I was ready for the move, but felt that I couldn't just say I couldn't do it anymore. I needed an event to take place so that I could blame that event, rather than recognizing that it had just gotten too hard at home.

But when caregiving gets too hard, as in placing your physical or mental wellbeing at risk, we should be able to say it is just plain too hard and make the move. What good are we to our LOs if we do further damage to ourselves? Why do we put our own health last?

Ger, I've thought for a while now that you are taking on too much. Even if your dad goes into an SNF, you still have your mom and her depression to deal with. On the other hand, maybe being away from your dad on a daily basis would help your mom. If it becomes difficult to care for her, maybe she could move in with you or one of your siblings. (Careful about that. A parent moving in with a daughter or son can really through the household for a loop.) Or maybe your mom might be ready for some sort of assisted living. Here, we have "continuous care" situations that provide just apartments for seniors, assisted living, rehab, SNF and dementia units. If you have something similar, moving into an apartment or assisted living at the same facility as you find for your dad might help her, allowing her to be near him but not have to live with him.

Stop lifting your dad. Get a neighbor, a sibling or maybe the local fire department to help (no kidding, my neighbor the fire chief nagged me until I started calling the fire department for help lifting Mom). Who's going to step in when you hurt yourself? Again.

By the way, it's easier to have the staff at an SNF deal with an infection than to deal with it yourself.

Take care. For your own sake, make whatever decision you need to and don't look back. You can only do what you can do.

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Tue May 10, 2011 1:19 pm
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Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:55 pm
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Post Re: another fall
katelu wrote:
Picture us. Mom on her rollator and me right behind her, hands outstretched to catch her should she lose even a bit of her balance.

Oh my Kate, that is exatly the way I am with Dad. He can't use a walker or rollator as he only has the use of his right side following a stroke ( his left side is useless) so he uses whatever is nearby - a cabinet, mantlepiece or a cane. I am always behind him when he is shuffling along.

But maybe the falling serves as the catalyst for you to take the next step. Before her hospital stay, I think I was ready for the move, but felt that I couldn't just say I couldn't do it anymore. I needed an event to take place so that I could blame that event, rather than recognizing that it had just gotten too hard at home.

This is exactly where I am now. I need the decision to be taken out of my hands. I know in my heart and soul that Dad needs more care than I can give him right now, but I just can't make that move. I cannot say I just can't do it anymore. The one good thing that has come from my surgery is that one of my sisters has come on board and is now doing 3 days a week, cooking, cleaning etc, so maybe we can stay going for a little while longer now that there's 2 of us doing the caring and its not constant for me. She never realised how much I had to do.

Even if your dad goes into an SNF, you still have your mom and her depression to deal with. On the other hand, maybe being away from your dad on a daily basis would help your mom. If it becomes difficult to care for her, maybe she could move in with you or one of your siblings. (Careful about that. A parent moving in with a daughter or son can really through the household for a loop.) Or maybe your mom might be ready for some sort of assisted living.

I have tried and tried to get them both to move in with me to no avail. My own doctor thinks this is just as well, as it would be too much to cope with. Poor Mom is stressed out worrying about him. It is a heartwrenching decision to make, and she is like me - lets give it another little while and see how it goes - waiting for the catastrophe that takes the decision from our hands!!!! I can't blame her for thinking and feeling like I do! As for placing either of them in an assisted living facility, we don't have the money - it is extremely expensive here. I have set up something that is called 'Fair Deal' here, that will allow us to use the home house as collateral - Mom can live at home till she passes, then we sell the house to pay for Dad's care in a nursing home. I'm hoping to put that on the long finger now that I have some help. I know that the day is not too far away that we will not be left with a choice, but for now .................... we'll wait and see.

Stop lifting your dad. Get a neighbor, a sibling or maybe the local fire department to help (no kidding, my neighbor the fire chief nagged me until I started calling the fire department for help lifting Mom). Who's going to step in when you hurt yourself? Again.

My husband helped me to lift Dad on Sunday night ( but only after I had made Dad decent, the poor man had fallen with no clothes on - he would have been mortified if my dh had seen him in such a state)- Dad knows I am not strong enough to lift him any more - that is why he agreed to let me use the wheelchair - up until now, he has been too stubborn and proud to let us use it. As I said before, no cloud without a silver lining :lol:

Reading back on what I have written, I can see that I am trying to put off the inevitable, but I am doing the usual -lets wait and see.
Kate

thank you for all your concern and advice
I am so grateful to have found you all,
Ger xxx

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cared for Dad who passed away on January 28th 2013 R.I.P.


Tue May 10, 2011 3:01 pm
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Location: Vermont
Post Re: another fall
Ger - do you really want to have a traumatic event that places your dad in a facility? I'm not asking that in a challenging way, or to be nosy, but it is important to really consider some of the outcomes of a traumatic event that forces him to be moved.
I was trying to put off moving my dad to an ALF for several years, and it was a very long time before I finally convinced him that he needed to look at an ALF. I wanted HIM to make the decision. I wanted him to look forward to moving in, although I knew it would be very hard to leave the home he'd built for our family and lived in for almost 60 years. But I wanted to avoid him falling, breaking something, hitting his head and having a TBI, etc. Everyone around me was telling me I should just move him because sooner or later there would be a traumatic event and he'd be forced to move.
He finally agreed to go look at the ALF and get information. He made the decision that day to move there. Unfortunately for us they did not have space at that point so we gave them a deposit and kept our fingers crossed that there would NOT be a traumatic event before they had a room available.
Unfortunately, he did have a bad fall, at 5 AM, he'd taken off all his clothes for some unknown reason, and called the neighbors to pick him up off the bedroom floor. He could not move a muscle. The man carried him to the bathroom, cleaned him up and he and his wife dressed my dad and put him back into bed. He ended up in the hospital later that morning when I found out what had happened. He then spent 3 weeks in a rehab facility which he absolutely hated, and I wasn't that happy about the place either.
So, instead of him moving from his home in a calm situation, we had multiple issues to deal with. I guess I'm trying to say (sorry I'm so long-winded) to weigh all the options and decided if you really do want to wait until the decision is out of your hands and there may be injury or other medical issues on top of what's already going on. Good luck with your decision. Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Tue May 10, 2011 4:52 pm
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
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Post Re: another fall
Ger, I am not trying to be nosy or bossy, either, but like Lynn, I hope you might reconsider waiting for a big/traumatic event to force your hand.

I say this from experience. I had been limping along, trying to keep my mother in her own home, until a drug reaction landed her in the local hospital, then on to a major medical center 90 miles away to be diagnosed, then on to the nursing home.

It was traumatic and disruptive. My husband and I had to drop everything on a moment's notice, board our dogs and close down my business unexpectedly so we (the only nearby relatives) could drive to where my mother was admitted to the hospital 90 miles away.

That was the least of it. The whole experience was very traumatic for my mother, who instead of going for a doctor appointment and coming home, was admitted to the hospital and ended up in the nursing home, never seeing her own home again. She was very upset and adjusted very poorly, and to this day she blames me for putting her there, and for not giving her any advance notice or opportunity to pack what she wanted from home (I cannot make her understand that those were not options).

And in fact we were lucky in the sense that she did not have a catastrophic fall at home or some other awful precipitating event. Not to be overly dramatic, but it seems as if you have the makings of something like that in your situation.

So these are reasons why I hope you will think hard about waiting until your hand is forced. I say these things out of care and concern for you and your family.

Julianne


Tue May 10, 2011 5:07 pm
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Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:55 pm
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Post Re: another fall
Thank you so much for your insight Lynn and Julianne. I really appreciate any advice I can get, especially from those who have been there. I know you are not being nosy or challenging, or anything but helpful, but trying to offer your best advice. I need to look at this from all angles.

I am just finding it so difficult because I know in my heart that it is the last thing Dad wants. I know he wants to die at home. I'm not saying he is even close to that event, but when he has been that low that we thought he was close to passing, he made it clear he wanted to be at home and not in a hospital or a nursing home. Dad will never make the decision to move, and will never choose to go to a nursing home. That is why I (and my poor Mom) are so reluctant to make the final decision. It would be totally against his will.
That is why we are taking the wait and see approach.

I'm so sorry that you both had such an awful time. It really does give me food for thought. Thank you.

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cared for Dad who passed away on January 28th 2013 R.I.P.


Last edited by Ger on Tue May 10, 2011 5:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Tue May 10, 2011 5:12 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
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Location: WA
Post Re: another fall
Ger, there comes a time in this disease where we, not our LO, must make the decisions for the sake of everyone concerned. It's hard but that's how it is. :cry:

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Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Tue May 10, 2011 5:17 pm
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
Post Re: another fall
Ger,
I agree with the others here this is not an illness we can afford to "lets wait and see", I just answered a post from a new member who's Dad ran out in traffic in front of a truck ! I think the sooner people plan the better off they are !

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Irene Selak


Tue May 10, 2011 5:35 pm
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Post Re: another fall
Believe me, Ger, my mother would have preferred to die at home. In fact, when she complained about being put in the nursing home, I told her that the professional advice given to me was that she could no longer manage at home--and she said, well, then let me die there! So I know exactly how heartwrenching this is for you.

Maybe it would help to think of this in terms of your children, because at this point your father's judgment is impaired and you are taking the parental role with him as the child. Would you let your child do something dangerous just because he insisted on it and it hurt you to say no? Of course not. And sadly this is exactly the situation we face when we must substitute our judgement for that of our Lewy LOs. You must think for him and do what is best for him (and all of your family), not just what he wants.

Please think with your head and not with your heart. It is awful but it is really a kindness. It is easy for me to say because I speak looking back in hindsight, but I know it to be true.

Julianne


Tue May 10, 2011 5:51 pm
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Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post Re: another fall
Ger,
One additional thing to keep in mind is that many times you can bring a loved one home from a care facility so that he/she can die at home. With a hospice agency's assistance, this is often (not always) possible. Some of the Forum members have also found that placing their loved ones in a hospice facility to die was the right way to go for them.
Robin


Tue Jul 05, 2011 5:50 pm
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Joined: Sat Jun 18, 2011 9:53 pm
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Location: Costa Mesa, CA
Post Re: another fall
I am obviously freshly new to this :shock: ... but it is so hard to know when is a good/the best time to make a change.... I thought I was starting early to research 'next step' living arrangements -- we just had an interview this morning and the administrator wants to go meet my Dad to independently evaluate his 'status' so we'll do that next week and I have several more places in the works to visit.

HOWEVER, Dad fell 3 times at his independent living apt in the last 24 hours and was stuck on the floor each time! He was down for hours btwn 2-5pm unclothed and with battered knees (those take the brunt of his falls) and I had to 'clean him up' and was able myself to help him onto the bed. But he was too out of it to go out to dinner we had planned. Then DH and I had to go over at 11pm last nite and it took my husband and I to get him back up onto the bed after I changed the wet sheets. :( Then I got a call at 7:30 this mornign (we're going to have to move the phone to my side of the bed now) that he had fallen again but his pill-giver aide was able to get him up on to the couch < this aide, however , has already said that it is hurting his back to lift my 6ft, 225 lb Dad and that he has to go to a chiropractor.

I'm hesitant to jump into a move before we try anything like namenda(sp?) or aricept since we meet next with his neuro next week and have not discussed any of these meds yet since he was recently diagnosed. I don't know what to do about the falling without working-in more supervision...???!!!

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Jenna - daughter of Dad diagnosed in 2010 with PD and in 2011 with probable LBD. Symptoms were present for a few years prior. Dad is 74.


Fri Jul 08, 2011 2:54 pm
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Post Re: another fall
Jenna, I agree that moving your dad before he starts on his treatment plan isn't ideal. But it may take many months before a treatment plan is fully operational. Something needs to be done in the meanwhile. This is truly a hard question.

When we saw Dr. Boeve for the first time, he explained that he would address all of Coy's symptoms and that many of them could be improved. But it was necssary to introduce drugs one at a time. He asked which symptom we wanted to start with. In my mind it was no contest. We needed to get the sleep cycle regulated or I couldn't keep Coy at home. So that is what we did, and then moved on.

It sounds like your most immediate concern is the falling. Be sure the doctor fully understands the situation next week.

Have you ever been with your Dad when he fell?

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Jeanne, 68 cared for husband Coy, 86. RBD for 30+ years; LDB since 2003, Coy at home, in early stage, until death in 2012


Fri Jul 08, 2011 3:53 pm
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