Hmmmm..... sounds very familiar, like when my sister was asked not to visit my dad for a while. I had calls from CGs, the admin. & his CNP asking that she not be around him for a while and I was the lucky one elected to tell her she couldn't go there (and this was a few days before his birthday, when she planned to take a birthday cake and spend some time with him.)
Lynn

Maybe don't mention the daughter's impending visit until 30 minutes before?

Maybe when the little "mean spirited" gal starts being "meaner spirited" it is time to tell her to put a "sock in it?" Low tolerance to "mean."

She and the other sister sent chocolate covered strawberries yesterday for Mother's Day. This takes the place of a phone call (don't expect one today, as neither daughter called for Christmas, her birthday, nor Easter). Breaks my heart to see her wait and wait. Countdown to visit - eleven days.

Donna, You are amazing to stay so cool, and not blow your top, with your sister-in-laws. They owe you a lot for taking over the care of their mother. Your husband must feel bless to have married such a caring woman. Hang in there for that count down.

Happy Mother's Day!!
Gerry

Donna, Derek's family is the same. They never remember his birthday, Christmas or anything else. Well, last Father's Day one of his sons phoned. Derek had no idea who he was. But I try to make excuses for them to him [they are so busy, etc.] to make it easier on him and try to only speak well of them. I know, it's hard, but one thing that falls into the 'things I cannot change' part of the Serenity Prayer is OTHER PEOPLE. God bless you for all you do! Hugs galore.

Well bless my soul! Both of her daughters called today. The look of joy in her face was worth it! Too bad they don't call regularly. BTW, neither thanked me for taking care of their mother, nor did they ask to speak to their brother. Some things never change. C'est la vie. On a high note, my dear hubby thanks me regularly for taking such good care of his mom.

Donna,
Do you really need thanks from people you know wouldn't mean it anyway after all look how they don't bother with their own Mom, its sad but I am glad she has you and her son !

Update on MIL: 1) She had a swallow study done and food is going into esophagus while she is chewing. She is supposed to take a sip every couple of bites to make sure it goes the right direction into the stomach. Of course she won't. Iron head. 2) She had another doozy of a seizure. Going to the neurologist tomorrow for follow up. 3) She has an ulcer/growth on her left foot. Can't wear shoes for a while. Naturally she forgets and gets mad when I remind her about doctor's orders. Cut up a pair of Ked's to keep her happy. 4) Found a bunch of Depends hidden under her pillow. Don't know what that's all about. Thought we were running low too soon.
Never a dull moment, is there.

Donna,
Was a suggestion made as to what types of Foods are OK for her to eat, does it need to be small or ground to smaller pieces?

Just small bits. She doesn't like thickened liquids. Going to the neuro today for her seizures and other Lewy symptoms.

Donna,
Don't know what your thoughts about this are but my father didn't want thickened liquids either. We would thicken drinks (such as Ensure) and chill them, giving them to him after they were chilled. I think it was harder for him to tell. He probably knew we were deceiving him. But we were OK with that as we knew he was a bit safer.
Robin

The decision about thickened liquids is a tough one, isn't it?

About 7.5 years ago Coy had a swallowing test and a feeding tube was suggested. No thank you. OK, then switch to pureed food and thickened liquids. Coy gave it a valient try, probably for 6 weeks, drinking (or not drinking) thicken tea, thickened wine, thickened orange juice, blended soups, hot dishes in the food processor, etc. etc. He became more and more despondent. He ate less and less. He did less and less.

If you are a foodie and if most of your other sources of pleasure are taken away, eating baby food may very well push you over the edge into severe depression. Food isn't that important to many people. It is to Coy. (I think I'd be the same way.) One day Coy pushed his food away, looked at me apologetically and said, "I just can't do this any more."

OK, I said. If we go back to regular food, you risk choking, and you risk aspirational pneumonia. Either of those could result in death. Is eating regular food worth those risks? He said it was. He has been eating regular foods ever since. He has had pneumonia twice in those 7+ years -- presumably but not certainly aspirational.

Some risks you accept and some you try very hard to minimize. It is a hard, hard call.

Unfortunately my MIL is an ironhead and once she makes up her mind it is imprinted there forever, no matter how bad her memory is. She refuses thick liquids and will not wash down her food every couple of bites. When she gags I remind her what the doctor said, but I get a look that would make grown men cry. She's 88 and I want to make her last days peaceful. Somethings are not worth getting wound up about.