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 what is the correct way to talk? 
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Joined: Wed Aug 11, 2010 2:34 am
Posts: 54
Post what is the correct way to talk?
After visiting dad earlier this week he gave me the familiar story of the huge attic that was situated above his bed in the nursing home where he currently is living. This story has been told to me a couple of times now and I just let him tell it and ask questions about what he has seen and he obviously believes he has seen it so who am I do try and tell him it does not exist after all it is his reality. But when he told me about a phone call he had with mum and how he was telling mum about the attic he claimed she kept telling him " It did not exist and there is no way there is an attic in the ceiling" This is a common thing between them unfortunetly with mum always trying to tell him that what he is seeing is not real and dismissing what he has to say, explaining it away does not help and basically this makes him frustrated. How can I politely bridge this gap between them without offending anyone? I think we just need to be a listener with this condition and I sometimes even make light of some of the things he tells me and we have a giggle which is lovely. Any tips to help them communicate better as we have a ways to go this is not going away any time soon.

Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:32 pm

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: what is the correct way to talk?
Kelli, this is just a suggestion: There is a good amount of written material dealing with how to talk to dementia patients, and 'not arguing' is on the list, so maybe you could give your mother some of this reading material. I know the AD association has some and much of it applies to LBD as well. You can even print it off from their web site. This might be more effective than talking to her about it. Best wishes and God bless you for doing your best for your dad! :-) --Pat

Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.

Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:44 pm

Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post Re: what is the correct way to talk?
My two cents is that you should avoid any conversation that pits one parent against another. This seems to be the default in family communication and it's obvious it doesn't do any good for any one of you.

Thu Oct 21, 2010 9:27 pm

Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
Post Re: what is the correct way to talk?
Here is a paper that perhaps you could print out for your Mom,
2 areas I want to mention:
"Try to understand"
Reassure and comfort" ... mentia.htm

Irene Selak

Fri Oct 22, 2010 12:37 pm
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