It is very sad, it is just the way life is now with our LBD LO. You just do the best you can. Take care, Lynn

Julianne,
As you've suggested, it's pointless to tell her she's forgotten. She will never agree that she's forgotten. She is incapable of remembering. Can you have an agreed-upon calendar that you post in her room, and any time there is an appointment, it must be written on the calendar? Can you tell her that you'll treat her to a haircut and manicure at the salon after the dental appointment? Is there anything you can offer to tempt her to go to the dental appointment not in a rage?
Robin

Robin, I laughed at myself when I read your post. What a dope I am! I am still getting the hang of LBD and it is so hard for me to remember that my once-logical mother is logical no more!

The calendar is a great idea. We have already instituted that. When I called her to tell her the time of the dental appointment, I reminded her to write it on the calendar, and she said she would. Of course, she didn't, and forgetting all about the appointment triggered her anger. (She wasn't angry about going to the dentist--actually, she really wanted to go because her teeth were bothering her.) I think that from now on when I call her with an appointment, I will ask her to write it on the calendar while I wait on the phone.

This is not the first time she has forgotten to do what she said she would. Just last night, as my sister and I left the NH, my sister asked Mother if she would tell the staff that she would be out for lunch today. She was headed in the direction of the staff desk, so it would have been the easiest thing to stop and tell someone. But this morning I called the NH just to make sure she had done it, and she had not. It is up to me to adjust to her waning cognitive abilities, and I will!

The hardest part is that much of the time, she seems like the capable "old" Mother. That makes it harder to remember I am dealing with a very different person these days.

Julianne

Julianne,

It's sort of a double-edged sword -- it's nice that she's "normal" sometimes but if she were abnormal all the time it would be easier to remember that.

You might not be able to rely upon her to write anything on to a calendar. Can you call someone at the care facility and ask them to write it down?

Teepa Snow has a lot of presentations on the web on dealing with dementia-related behavior. In situations such as yours, she asks the caregiver "now which one of you has dementia -- the person with a neurodegenerative illness or the caregiver who can't remember that the person has a neurodegenerative illness?"

Robin

Robin, do you happen to know whether or not there is a difference between the dementias regarding time/space? During the past couple of years, my husband has been unable to use a watch, clock or calender. A digital clock gives him the time OK [no spatial perception needed] but he lacks a concept of time and doesn't know morning from evening. A calender with dates and spaces might as well be graffiti on the wall to him.

Isn't it amazing how jumbled and totally off our LOs can be about time? That is one of the most noticeable things about my dad. He has no concept that he just got back from a meal, he thinks I haven't been there for months when it is less than 24 hr. since the last visit, he tells us he hasn't been taken to a meal for over 3 weeks, he'll say the time is "two hundred" or "thirty-five ninety-seven" or something. He does sleep at night, thank goodness, so he doesn't seem to have the reversed day/night thing that some people have. With 2 digital clocks, a new digital watch, and a calendar all there when he can see them, it is true - it might as well be wallpaper or something. Lynn

Robin, you are right, I am better off to ask the NH staff to write down the appointments so there is no doubt. I am not sure how long it will be until the calendar is "wallpaper" to my mother but for now it is worth trying to maintain it. She tries so hard to stay "with it."

Thanks,

Julianne

Pat (mockturtle),

Many of the dementias include confusion about time. This is not unique to LBD.

I heard several years ago, when I first started a local LBD support group, that only those with LBD failed the clock test. I asked a local neurologist about this and he said that those with many different kinds of dementia fail the clock test. He thought it might be possible that those with LBD fail the clock test earlier in the disease course than someone with AD, for example.

Did I recommend the "meal clock" to you before? EricSEA developed this idea to help his demented FIL with time confusion. I'm sure you can find it through a search.

Robin