Hi all, havent been on here for a while, just thought I would give you an update regarding my father-in-law. He had lived at home on his own for a long while with the support of 5 visits a day from carers. He had a period in hospital at the beginning of this year as he had had a fall at home and after a while was admitted to a residential care home for people with dementia. We visit him regularly and take him whatever he needs, new clothes/toiletries/sweets, etc. What a lovely care home it is, so clean and with a really nice relaxed environment, he has good food, and he tells us that he likes it there. My FIL is virtually wheelchair bound as his mobility is very bad and is incontinent. He can recognise us and you can have a conversation with him but he seems to be living in the past, speaking about people who are no longer alive, saying he saw them the other day, and speaking about loads of bizarre things. The staff at the home say he eats and sleeps quite well, can have days of being aggressive. Not sure what the next stage may be.

Im feeling happy about his care, so much better than him struggling at home living on his own, he always said he didnt want to go into a care home but I dont think he realises where he is.

Lee xx

I'm relieved that your FIL has finally been placed in a care facility and glad to hear that the care provided is good.

Lee,
I am glad this all finally worked out for your FIL and he is getting good care!

This was the best solution and I hope you never feel guilty about making this decision. My husband is still at home but he could be living in Grand Central Station for all he knows. Coping with him, physically, is getting more difficult and I may have to consider placing him at some point. Finding a good facility is the main issue and I'm so glad you were able to do so. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi, it is now a year that my FIL has been in the care home. We visit but he no longer knows who we are, I find it very upsetting and I dont take the children with me anymore. He mobility is very poor and spends a lot of his time in a wheelchair. He still has days when he argues with the staff especially at wash and dress times. We had a phone call today from the care home telling us that my FIL has a chest infection, which he has had for a while and is being treated by the doctor but now he is refusing to eat. He is 76 now, his blood pressure is very low and this is another reason why he doesnt walk. I wish his suffering would end.......

I hear you. When our LOs lose their mental and physical abilities too it is very hard to see them suffer. I prayed every day my dad would just go to sleep and not wake up, for almost a year. It was heartbreaking for him AND the family to see him in his condition, which just continued to get worse. A few weeks before he died they took him off antibiotics, for which we were grateful. He died peacefully, but it was a torturous life his last year. Sending you a giant hug. It is so hard. Lynn

I am so sorry that your FIL has come to this point in his illness, have to put him on antibotics? Refusing to eat could be his way of saying "No more". Do keep us updated on how he is doing !

yes the doctor put him on antibiotics for the chest infection, but he also put him on some medication for depression, the staff at the home said he has very bad moods and agression at certain times especially if he has to be handled i.e. washing, dressing, shaving. I rang the care home this morning and he is refusing drink, food and will not take medication.

Lee x

It does sound like he is ready to move on, and if so, the best thing that I think you can do is support what he wants. If he has a lot of quality of life, that's an entirely different story, but your family and the staff where he lives know what his quality of life is better than anyone. Does he have an AD that addresses this sort of situation? Lynn

Lee,
Sadly when they get to this point they are in charge of what they want and don't want, could be just something while he is going through this infection but it doesn't really sound like it.

Lee,
Haven't heard from you in a long time, and am sorry to see this news. I hope your FIL's passing is peaceful.
Best,
Robin

Pat:

Most facilities seem to have waiting lists. You might start your search early and get on some waiting lists. If your turn comes up, you can just pass on it but still be on the list.

I was fortunate in that the memory care facility where my husband now resides was new and I immediately went and signed up before they even got their license.

Not good to have to deal with this in a panic when the LO takes a sudden downward turn.

And, as I opined in another thread, taking a trial run as respite would be extremely helpful in evaluating the facility. I was going to do that, but at that time it was obvious he would be staying permanently.

Gail, I placed Derek in a SNF last December. It was planned as a respite so my injured back could heal but when I learned he was designated a two-person transfer I understood why my back was sore! Anyway, he's been there ever since and it's worked out quite well. I spend four hours a day there, two hours in the morning and two in the evening, so that I can better get to know the different caregivers and monitor his care. I also enjoy just being with him and do a lot of his personal care by choice and help with his meals and therapy. Fortunately, he has a private room, at least until he has to go on Medicaid.

Oh, I see your post was in 2010, duh.

Gail, it just proves your point, doesn't it? It pays to check around before you need one because you don't know when and if you will.