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 A question 
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 1:50 pm
Posts: 5
Post A question
I know that no one knows for certain when death will occur but can someone give me some insight on this? In the past 6 days Dad has gone from being in his chair to staying in bed, not even wanting to get up for his bath. He is not eating, just barely drinking and has refused a feeding tube. Are we talking months here? How long can a person go without food? He is also fighting COPD from emphysema, and CHF. They put him on oxygen this morning.

I don't want him to die nut I don't want him to hang on and on and suffer either.

So confused and hurting--Nancy


Thu Mar 25, 2010 3:09 pm
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Joined: Mon Nov 23, 2009 12:01 am
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Location: Wake Forest
Post Hi Nancy
Hi Nancy,

First let me say that I am very sorry that you are going through this. Do you have Hospice care? Maybe they can tell you what is going on with your Dad. There are a lot of things that may be going on, infections, bowel obstruction, lots of things. I am new to this forum there are many others that will be able to tell you more and offer additional support. Feel free to email me.

Nancy

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All I am, or can be, I owe to my angel mother. --Abraham Lincoln


Thu Mar 25, 2010 3:48 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
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Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
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Nancy,

With not eating very much and barely drinking, the organs start to shut down. It could be that your father is ready to go.

When someone stops drinking/eating but perhaps 2T of liquid a day, then death often occurs within 10 days. Often people will slip into a coma-like state after 5-7 days. I have heard from many that dying this was is very peaceful.

The only advice I would offer is spend some quality minutes each day with your dad by yourself. Tell him you love him, that it's OK if he lets go, that you will look after other family members after he's gone, and that you will be OK too. The first time you tell him this will be very hard for you. But once you've said it, it gets easier to say it again. He deserves reassurance that he did a good job as a father and that it's OK for him to let go.

If your family intends to donate your father's brain for confirmation of the final diagnosis and to participate in medical research, be sure the arrangements are made now.

Best wishes,
Robin


Thu Mar 25, 2010 4:29 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3113
Location: Vermont
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Nancy - this must be very tough for you, I know it will be for me when the time comes. Rely on your friends (both on line and in person) to help support you emotionally. When my mom was dying I spent every minute I could with her and it gave me some comfort after she died that I was totally with her in her final days. Sending comforting thoughts to you, Lynn


Thu Mar 25, 2010 8:38 pm
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 1:50 pm
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Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. Dad had a really bad day today and the nurse told us he had a TIA. Now he is not moving the right side of his face, can barely move his head and has lost what little ability he had to speak. He is trying so hard to speak but nothing comes out and he gets frustrated. He has just gotten so limp and he just stares out in space. I look in his eyes and don't see him and the tears just don't stop when I'm with him.
I did talk to the hospice nurse this morning and got some of my questions answered so that was very helpful.
I just can't stand this haze we all seem to be walking around in.


Thu Mar 25, 2010 10:14 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
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Location: Vermont
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My limited experience with my dad when he has had TIAs is that his physical abilities have come back, at least to some extent. So, maybe there is some hope he will at least be able to talk. My heart goes out to you. Lynn


Fri Mar 26, 2010 9:29 am
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
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Nancy,
There is a publication that hospice sometimes has, it is called "Gone from my sight", it really isn't a book more a booklet but very informative with the end of life issues and what to expect!
I am sorry that you are going through this!

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Irene Selak


Fri Mar 26, 2010 7:37 pm
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 1:50 pm
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Thank you all for all your nice words and help. After only 6 days on Hospice Dad passed Sunday March 28 with his family by his side. I know he is in a much better place and he is healed but I am going to miss him terribly.

Thank you so much forthis website. It is such a wonderful place full of information and comfort.

God bless you all in each of the struggles you face with your loved ones.

Nancy


Tue Mar 30, 2010 11:53 am
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
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Nancy,
Please except my condolences on the passing of your Dad, he is finally at peace and released from the chains of LBD.
Take care of yourrself !

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Irene Selak


Tue Mar 30, 2010 12:12 pm
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Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:18 pm
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Location: Acton, MA
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Nancy, Sorry to hear about your dad, we know that they are finally at peace, but there is a void that hurts. Take care of yourself.

Gerry


Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:34 pm
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Location: Vermont
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My condolensces Nancy. Lynn


Tue Mar 30, 2010 9:07 pm
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 1:50 pm
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Thank you all so much!


Tue Mar 30, 2010 9:25 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
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Location: WA
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God bless you and your family, Nancy! --Pat


Tue Mar 30, 2010 9:33 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
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Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
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Nancy,
My condolences on your loss.
Robin


Tue Mar 30, 2010 10:08 pm
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Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2009 8:17 pm
Posts: 104
Location: Arkansas
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Dear Nancy, Give your heart time to heal. I'm sorry for the loss of your father. Laurie


Thu Apr 01, 2010 11:36 pm
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