Lynn, Is there a local church that maybe would have volunteer's that might have people to help out with a visit or 2 for your Dad?

Don't know - he is in a town 40 mi. from where he lived for 60 years. We only know one couple who lives there, and he has Parkinson's and can't drive, so that won't work. I don't know anyone there but I can ask the admin. there and see if they have suggestions. Thanks, Lynn

If he were in the town where he lived, he'd have lots of visitors, and I could ask the church my mom attended for volunteers. This is one of the frustrations I have about where he is, but until he needs to be moved to a NH, he is where he is because there is no ALF in his town. Some of his friends visit once a week or once every other week, but it's 2 hr. roundtrip and by the time they visit it's half a day, even though it doesn't seem that far. I knew the social thing was going to be a big problem when we moved him there, but he didn't want to come to VT and he would NEVER see his friends again because most of them are not going to make the 1000 mi. roundtrip. Some might come once a year, but that would be worse for him. I'm hoping with the Aricept maybe he will start getting comfortable about going to the activities room and participating in all the ALF offers that he refuses to get involved in. We'll see how it goes....

It is a hard situation for sure and I hope your Mom's church has someone that would be willling to help out.

My sister found out from the ALF where my dad is that they requested a hospice eval. but never said anything to us. I talked with the hospice nurse today and asked her if that was true, and if that is typical. She said yes, the ALF had requested it, and no, it was not typical and she didn't know why they would request it without talking with the family first. It put her in a very awkward position when I called a few days ago and asked for an eval. Have any of you experienced the facility requesting hospice without contacting the family first?
I think I need to have another meeting with the admin. at the ALF - there are several things they haven't discussed with us that I've find out about by happenstance recently. Just when I think we have everything straight there's something else that comes up. Both the director and asst. director left recently so things are pretty chaotic, I think.

Lynn,
I have never heard of that before and yes I think a chat with the facility is in order, I would love to know their reason for not contacting the family!

Lynn,
Personally, I don't see this as a big deal. They probably thought they were doing you a favor.
Robin

I think it was quite inappropriate.

The hospice lady thought it was a big deal! My sister and I thought it was odd that they didn't talk with us about it, in fact, I was the one who brought it up with them last summer and again in late fall and they acted like I was nuts for thinking my dad was even close to 6 - 12 months left. So, frankly it was very surprising to me that they would do this, knowing that I had talked about hospice with them and they didn't think it at all appropriate only a couple of months ago.

I do hope you find a sitter for your dad, I understand sometimes they just need someoine to come and sit and talk their kind of talk, what ever it may be. It helps them feel still conneted.

Well, God is good!! They had a Social Worker from Hospice come out and talk with me and she gave me a totaly diffrent look at Hospice. We went and toured the place in Gainesville, and she loves it. So I called and told them about our vacation for the 3rd coming up and they found her a room in Gainesville that very day. I was so happy. Mom is comftorble there and she was a little high anxiety when she relized I would not be there with her but we had a good talk so she was ok when I left. The Lord has her comforted I know. I am just beside my self not knowing what to do, I am alone here at home!!!!! WOW..Praise God! So we are going on vacation to Virginia and picking Mom up when we get back!! The health care worjer they gave her Lily is Awsome!!! SHe is even gooing to go out and see my mom wi=hile I am away. I HAVE A HUGE FOOT IN MY MOUTH RIUGHT NOW!! I did have Hospice wrong! They really do all they can to help!
We are still going to pay someone to come and sit with her at times I need to get out and do errons.
Happy Resurrection Sunday!!

Oh, Tammy! Yes, the Lord does provide--sometimes in the nick of time! Hope you have a wonderful vacation! --Pat

It turns out the ALF had hospice come in 2 days ago, do the eval., no contact with me or my sister, and he didn't meet the criteria. The decision was made with old data, some from last July, some from January. One of the nurses told me yesterday he's had a HUGE decline since I was there 6 weeks ago. She thinks with current data there's no way he'd be turned down. Why in the world would they do an eval. using old data, and do it without the family's knowledge, when I have been on the phone with all these people every day for the last week and have the eval set up for next week?
The Pathways person has been very helpful in trying to figure out why people at the ALF and hospice are not communicating with my sister and me, and she is going to send a volunteer in to be with him on Mon. Thank goodness there is at least one person there who is helpful!!!
This has certainly NOT been a good experience overall. I hope something good comes out of it eventually.

Lynn, you have a Health Care POA for your father, don't you?

Yes, absolutely. My sister and I have POA, and in case something happened to both of us one of his best friends is named as an alternate POA. We keep his friend up to date on everything.
The thing that makes me really upset about this hospice thing, and not being told about it, is that I don't know what they told my dad. Since it's nearly impossible to talk with him on the phone, I wanted to be there in person to explain to him why hospice is coming. He is lucid enough from the Aricept that I thought he is likely to freak out about hospice coming, and I though it important for us to be there. I really think the ALF is way out of bounds with this.

Well good grief! How did the ALF figure they had the right to get a Hospice evaluation without your approval??!!